This post requires work on your part.

April 30, 2009

Today I was stuck under ground on a Bronx bound 2 train after another rough day.  While I was waiting for the train to move again I was trying to think of a creative representation of what my brain was going through.  For some twisted reason a scene from this movie I saw like 40 million years ago popped in my head.

The Movie is called The Brood, and if you’ve even heard about it, let alone seen it *pounds*.

It’s some twisted shit.  The real kind of twisted: 70s twisted.  Back then everything wasn’t all sarcastic and snarky.  I don’t even think snarky was a word in the 70s.  It makes for a more honest/scary experience.

So, I’m a weirdo for doing this,  and this is not for the faint of heart and NOT SAFE FOR WORK, but watch from 2min 50 sec to 5min 20 sec on this link. It is the most horrifying 2 1/2 min of film ever made.

That’s how I felt stuck on the 2 train after work today.

P.S. – Pumpkin Seeds…

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Is FML a cliche?

April 28, 2009

First off, fuck the accent that’s supposed to go on the ‘e’ in chiche, and fuck you for noticing (if you did not notice *pounds*).  I couldn’t figure out how to type the all important accent.

Anyway, this whole FML this is being over used right?  WHO CARES.  It fits.

Like right now I’m typing this post with one eyeball.  That is because on my walk to the train from work some piece of dirt (aka the Mini Demon Sole of Freddy Kruger) popped into my eye.  So, what did genius JP do???  Rub that eye with a fury.  BRILLIANT!  Now my eye is the color of a tomato, and it is burning like my love for Colt45.

Today was like the FML Prefect Storm.

I woke up at 7:55am.  I need to be at work at the latest 8am.  I called my boss to tell him I was gonna be late.

ME: I’m gonna be late.

BOSS: Is everything ok?

ME: Yes, I overslept because I suck at life.

BOSS: Um, ok. *click*

–*side note* I’m not sure if I’m using the whole *star thingy to describe how/what I’m doing* works, but it’s hella fun and I’ma rock it.

Ok, so then my day resulted in: my worth being questioned, 3k in canceled sales, and the Freddy Kruger thing.

FML!

It just feels good to say that for some reason.

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My eye hurts.


I am going to yell at Pat Swayze.

April 26, 2009

Last weekend I did things like: drink heavily, act obnoxious, eat pot brownies, fall asleep on park benches.  Standard weekend fare.

This weekend was a special one.  I got to make one of my less frequently made bad decisions.  Jumping out of a plane.  This is the stupidest thing any sane human being can do.  I am usually a tense ball of anxiety (but more than usual) the entire day leading up, and this is 100% because PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE JUMPING OUT OF PLANES!

I’ve been going with a couple of my buddies once a year for three years.  On my first jump one of the girls that was at the airfield asked an instructor; This is completely safe right?

Instructor: NO!  Eating lunch in the park is completely safe.

There is something inherently wrong with this entire process.  One should never be fooled: You are flying up 13,500 ft or so in the air (flying is a miracle), and jumping out.  All there is to save you is a nylon sheet and some strings.  Last time when my instructor pulled the chute he said “Look!  I saved our lives!”.

And he was right.  We were just plummeting toward earth at 120mph.  Terminal Velocity bro.  It’s like my man Pat Swayze says “100% Pure Adrenalin!“.  It is better than any drug (not YOU booze, I love you the mostest, just let me finish writing shit that no one will read, and then we can make out).  The rush is really amazing and, believe it or not it can be a very calming experience.  Up in the sky there is no sound, no cars, trains.  No one is asking me any questions, no phone calls.  And, if I die I don’t gotta go to work the next day.  Who the fuck is ever mad at a day off.

Now if you will excuse me I see someone who needs to be yelled at.

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