Headbutt Fail

It was a normal St.Patty’s for me.  I went directly to a bar after work and began to drink.  When I Meet up with Chris, he was with his boys Kyle and Dave.  So now we were four dudes.  Let’s go!

At one point this girl comes out of nowhere, grabbed my ass, then hid behind Chris.  Weird, but it’s a holiday so whatever.  But then she creeps up again.  This time she got right up in my grill…

DrunkGirl:  I think I’m in love with you…

Me:  So let’s get married then.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know.  Cheeeseey.

I thought she didn’t like it either cause she just bounced right after I said it.  But again she creeps up…

DrunkGirl:  I love you,but I have a BF.

Me: Well fuck…

I was gonna continue with “that sucks”, but I was promptly Kiss Raped.  I mean full on sloppy drunk face plant!  So now we win the Classy Award for making out in the middle of the bar.  A bunch of times.  It was kinda awesome.  Anyway, all of the sudden out of nowhere some drunk asshole (yes I do fit that description as well) yanks this girl away…

Drunkass: [not quite slurring] We’re leaving!

Now, I don’t know if this is the BF, or just some Johnny Cockblock.  So, I figured not to disrespect…

Me: I’m sorry buddy, but we were just talking and making out a little.

DrunkAss: [yelling] I said we’re leaving!

Me:  [laughing] Ok bro, let me just ask the young lady for her number. [@DrunkGirl]  What was you number… Um, and name?

DrunkGirl:  Giggles:)

DrunkAss:  I will END YOU Bro!

Me: [hysterical]  What does that mean like end my life or.. are you coming on to me?!


Yup, dude headbutted me.  But not the good kind where my nose shoots blood, my eyes water up, and before I know it I’ve been pummeled to the ground.  Nope.  This was a headbutt like when your cat gingerly nudges you in the face on a Saturday morning cause it’s bored, and drunk.  The dude.  Not the cat.

So anyway, it was weak.  And with my glasses not even being smudged.  I lunged.  What I didn’t notice is that the whole bar was watching, and by then we were both held back, and they were kicked out.  I tried to follow (for the girls number), but was persuaded by Dave and his girl (Chris and Kyle had left) to stick around.  We took shots and laughed.

WTF is it about St. Patty’s day, and Holloween that makes girls wanna make out so bad?



16 Responses to Headbutt Fail

  1. sour says:

    haha kiss-raped
    I was violated.

  2. lbluca77 says:

    I didn’t try and make out with anyone last night. Dammit I knew I forgot to do something last night besides get wasted.
    Shame on you, go make out with someone right now!

  3. bwp says:

    It’s probably all the sexy attire, such as green plastic bowler hats and tshirts hinting at the wearers alcoholism. I always get randy in those types of settings.
    It’s true, the bowler hat turns me on.

  4. Laurel says:

    It’s just because you’re so damn handsome.
    Hear that Lolo?… It’s the sound of my head growing.

  5. deutlich says:

    I don’t even know what to say. I’m just shaking my head in astonishment.
    Me too.

  6. Matt says:

    So I guess he didn’t end you…
    Maybe he did, I still don’t know what he meant.

  7. another one to add to the list of days that drunk girls want to make out.

    any day that ends in Y.
    I have so much to learn.

  8. apollocreed says:

    I fucking missed all the fun. Fucking sucks.
    You suck!

  9. justjp says:

    HAHAHA! This sounds like a similar incident that occurred to me last year. “I will end you.” Guy was a fag from the start. Strong work on the number follow up BTW.
    Strong work is the only work I know!

  10. Lump says:

    huh? it’s not just St. Patrick’s Day and Halloween that makes girls want to make out. I mean, ANY time I get drunk, I’m a making out machine!
    Wanna get drunk?

  11. Chris says:


  12. LiLu says:

    This sounds directly out of an episode of the “Tool Academy”.

  13. Maxie says:

    That is supremely awesome.

    I’m with LiLu…are you sure it wasn’t that crazy masoflex guy from tool academy. He was into head butting.

  14. soupprincess says:

    It’s the opportunity to sex anyone up, like a dude, but without the girl problem of being called a slut. Carpe kiss rape.

  15. Hey, nice tips. I’ll buy a bottle of beer to that person from that forum who told me to go to your site :)

  16. Jamie says:

    Headbutting is cool, but if you really want to end someone I think a nuggie or a snake-bite would be better.

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