It was a normal St.Patty’s for me. I went directly to a bar after work and began to drink. When I Meet up with Chris, he was with his boys Kyle and Dave. So now we were four dudes. Let’s go!
At one point this girl comes out of nowhere, grabbed my ass, then hid behind Chris. Weird, but it’s a holiday so whatever. But then she creeps up again. This time she got right up in my grill…
DrunkGirl: I think I’m in love with you…
Me: So let’s get married then.
Yeah yeah yeah, I know. Cheeeseey.
I thought she didn’t like it either cause she just bounced right after I said it. But again she creeps up…
DrunkGirl: I love you,but I have a BF.
Me: Well fuck…
I was gonna continue with “that sucks”, but I was promptly Kiss Raped. I mean full on sloppy drunk face plant! So now we win the Classy Award for making out in the middle of the bar. A bunch of times. It was kinda awesome. Anyway, all of the sudden out of nowhere some drunk asshole (yes I do fit that description as well) yanks this girl away…
Drunkass: [not quite slurring] We’re leaving!
Now, I don’t know if this is the BF, or just some Johnny Cockblock. So, I figured not to disrespect…
Me: I’m sorry buddy, but we were just talking and making out a little.
DrunkAss: [yelling] I said we’re leaving!
Me: [laughing] Ok bro, let me just ask the young lady for her number. [@DrunkGirl] What was you number… Um, and name?
DrunkAss: I will END YOU Bro!
Me: [hysterical] What does that mean like end my life or.. are you coming on to me?!
Yup, dude headbutted me. But not the good kind where my nose shoots blood, my eyes water up, and before I know it I’ve been pummeled to the ground. Nope. This was a headbutt like when your cat gingerly nudges you in the face on a Saturday morning cause it’s bored, and drunk. The dude. Not the cat.
So anyway, it was weak. And with my glasses not even being smudged. I lunged. What I didn’t notice is that the whole bar was watching, and by then we were both held back, and they were kicked out. I tried to follow (for the girls number), but was persuaded by Dave and his girl (Chris and Kyle had left) to stick around. We took shots and laughed.
WTF is it about St. Patty’s day, and Holloween that makes girls wanna make out so bad?