I over-react.

April 13, 2008

I always like to tell Chris that he is mean.   Just read Surviving Myself, you’ll get it.

I like to talk about I’m so socially diplomatic, fair in judgement, and just generally level headed.  And, if I do have an out-burst it was certainly warranted.

If you don’t live in NYC you may not know about the AM NY, or Metro newspaper guys.  They stand at the entrance of subway stops in the morning and hand out their free papers.  These guys are characters to say the least.  One time me friend Keith saw the AMNY guy beat up the Metro guy after the Metro guy said to AM:

“Your mama is like a hot sandwich: sloppy and delicious!!

I’m not quite sure what that means, but I’d probably knock someone out for saying it.  Anyway.

For a little over a month there have been two new paper guys at the stop I get out of every single morning.  For a while nothing was out of place.  They would both offer me a paper, and I would deny.  I don’t like to read.

After a while though I noticed what I thought was these paper guys laughing at me.  I brushed it off, and just turned up whatever stupid loud metal was on the pod.  But it kept happening.

What reason do these guys have to laugh at me?  I not happy in the morning, but I’m still very handsome and well put together at all times.  I’m not limping, no second head, what the fuck!

It got to the point where they were pointing.  I was flipping out.  Am I imagining this, or are these two dudes ridiculing me, and having a grand ol’ time mocking me daily!

So, on Thursday I was ready.  As I approached the steps as I always do I paused my ipod (genius!)  When I got to the top not only were they pointing and laughing I hear the Metro guy say:

“There he is! 7:15 every day!”

me: “Hey man, fuck you!”

AMguy: (laughing) “Nah wait man, it’s you!”

me: Fuck you!  Fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou!!!!… double middle fingers blazing! Very cleaver I know.

Yelling, and causing a good old fashion scene.  I was triumphant.  I will not be made the fool!

The next day comes and I am again approaching the stairs.  Turning my ipod off again, forming my middle fingers I was ready.  But, just before I could blast off:

Metroguy: Hey man, don’t be mad at us.  You just really look like our sole leader.

me: Uhh?

AMguy:  Yeah man, Alex!  You look just like Alex.  He helped us get off drugs, and get these jobs!  He is our spiritual leader!  We love Alex!

me: Oh, uhh (middle fingers retracting).  Well, Alex sounds awesome, un-like my rude ass.  Im sorry for the fuck you stuff.

Metroguy: No worries man, have a nice day…

I’m such an ass.


best hair cut ever!

April 3, 2008


stopping not quitting

April 2, 2008

Fourteen years ago I was 14 in Navy Jr R.O.T.C., a drill team commander (with a rank of Ensign, I was the youngest to achieve such a goal). I was well on my way to being a Navy Seal. I was Fucking Determined!

Then I meet my soon to be best friend Chris (Surviving Myself) who introduced me to wonderful world of marijuana.

Holy shit was this stuff better than drill practice!! No push-ups, no yelling! It was just feeling good all the time! Not to mention my social status jumped from ROTC nerd to cool pot head guy who broke the rules and didn’t care about what society had to say. And lets face it in high school the ladies always loved the envelope pushing pot smoking rebel! We became popular over night. In fact, the Senior committee changed the superlative award from best friends to best buds, and dubbed us the class of ’97’s “Cheech and Chong” (I’m not kidding I still have the plaque).

Over the past decade I have been every kind of po thead.

Angry Metal po thead. Peaceful Phish-head po thead. Post college no job loser po thead. Starving artist po thead. And my most recent: functioning addict young professional po thead, who still doesn’t care what society says.

I have done a lot of stuff stoned. More than I would care to mention. Even when my best bud jumped ship like five years ago I staid the course toward Stoner Island (funny thing is Stoner Island is very hard to find, and I lost the map a lot).

But, it’s been so long I’ve forgot who non-pot JP is. So, I’m stopping. Not quitting, but going on a Phish like hiatus for the 4.2o month.

It’s gonna be tough, but at least i still have nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, aderall, coke, xanax, vicodin, and pot.

No, wait. Not pot!