Ok, so to spite my car service not showing up, me losing my itinerary, and the extremely cute girl sitting next to me on the flight treating me like I was dripping with the Hiv the trip went relatively smooth. I’m now enjoying 4 dollar beers, and Vicodin in my hotel room. Which lead me to a question…
When my boss told me to save receipts for the expense report, what exactly can I get away with?
I mean really, they did take me outta my cozy home, put me in a strange place for 6 days, and have me giving up both this Sunday, and next Friday night!
my boss: “I’ve been looking over your expense report JP, and quite frankly this is ridiculous.”
me: “Was it the lobster dinner three times a day, cause I gotta tell ya if I was at home I could have boiled them my self, I do it all the time, much cheaper in NY.”
my boss: “Well, no. It has more to do with this!”
He angrily points to a piece of scrap paper that says in chicken scratch handwriting “8-ball, $450”
me: “Look, the guy I bought it from, his receipt machine was broken, and yeah I know that’s expensive for an 8-ball, but he could tell I was from outta town, and I didn’t know where else to get blow.”
my boss: “Blow!! We sent you down there to train new employees, not to do blow!!”
me: “Woah, calm down broseph, if I didn’t get the blow the hookers would have been full price! I thought you would be happy I saved the company some money!”
Well, in the mean time, I have the Vicodin I brought from home, and I shouldn’t be mixing uppers and downers anyway. So I guess I’ll just save cheeseburger, and parking receipts.