expense report.

Ok, so to spite my car service not showing up, me losing my itinerary, and the extremely cute girl sitting next to me on the flight treating me like I was dripping with the Hiv the trip went relatively smooth. I’m now enjoying 4 dollar beers, and Vicodin in my hotel room. Which lead me to a question…

When my boss told me to save receipts for the expense report, what exactly can I get away with?

I mean really, they did take me outta my cozy home, put me in a strange place for 6 days, and have me giving up both this Sunday, and next Friday night!

my boss: “I’ve been looking over your expense report JP, and quite frankly this is ridiculous.”

me: “Was it the lobster dinner three times a day, cause I gotta tell ya if I was at home I could have boiled them my self, I do it all the time, much cheaper in NY.”

my boss: “Well, no. It has more to do with this!”

He angrily points to a piece of scrap paper that says in chicken scratch handwriting “8-ball, $450”

me: “Look, the guy I bought it from, his receipt machine was broken, and yeah I know that’s expensive for an 8-ball, but he could tell I was from outta town, and I didn’t know where else to get blow.”

my boss: “Blow!! We sent you down there to train new employees, not to do blow!!”

me: “Woah, calm down broseph, if I didn’t get the blow the hookers would have been full price! I thought you would be happy I saved the company some money!”

Well, in the mean time, I have the Vicodin I brought from home, and I shouldn’t be mixing uppers and downers anyway. So I guess I’ll just save cheeseburger, and parking receipts.

Awesome!!

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5 Responses to expense report.

  1. Yeah boy! says:

    Cocaine is a hell of a drug. I’m Rick James bitch

  2. apollocreed says:

    I wish I could call my boss “broseph.” I think I’d enjoy work much more.

  3. the#1catkiller says:

    450$ for an 8 ball? Your boss should be pissed.

  4. If the cat dies it's my fault says:

    “Witch lead me to a question…”…nice spelling and where are you getting these 450$ 8 balls?

  5. apollocreed says:

    boooo! No updates from the south???? booooo!!!

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