no thank you.

Listen.  I might be crazy or some kinda ass hole (actually both), but I can’t stand it when people wanna trade food.  You know, you’re out to dinner with friends or family or a stranger you meet smoking crack in an ally, whatever.  The food you have been pining for has arrived!  It is a masterpiece.  The sight the smell, you grab the appropriate utensils, and finally you sink your teeth into it.  Amazing!  But.  Just before you can enjoy the next savory bite of that delectable cuisine, you hear a voice say “hey can I try that?”–Now, if you’re like most people you reluctantly agree, and in turn are offered a taste of whatever beat ass dish the crack head ordered.  No more people!  I have begun, albeit under much criticism, to end this heinous trend.  No food trading!  I requested the meal on my plate for a reason!  And, be very wary my friends, of those who start the charade with “this is great, would you like to try?”–No!  I chose not to share!   Look, it’s not personal.  I just don’t want your food messin with my food, I dunno, I just don’t like that.  Like I said, I’m a crazy asshole…..Song of the day, Faith No More, The Gentle art of Making Enemies.


8 Responses to no thank you.

  1. Bonnie says:

    I am a selfish eater. I HATE ppl picking at my food. Altho, I rarely have a go at em, I just let them pick and mumble profanaties under my breath. I should take a stand!

  2. Yeah boy! says:

    Dude, you know what’s even worse? When you just got a piping hot whopper from Burger King and you’re friend’s dog snatches it right off the table and it’s gone in two seconds. Son of a bitch!

  3. apollocreed says:

    I, of course, 100% agree with you about this. Fuck off motherfucker – just cause your food sucks doesn’t mean you get any of mine.

    “I choose not to share!”


  4. Trash says:

    I keep kosher so I won’t ask for any of your food!

  5. Red says:

    What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?

  6. idontliketoread says:

    bonnie- take a stand darlin, it’s time to take control!

    Yeah boy- harley was the man/dog!

    apollo- fuck off motherfucker!

    trash- douggie’s?

    red- pump.

  7. Trash says:

    idontliketoread- stacy pita chips, green apple, emergen-c (two packets)??

  8. I am sooo like you on this post. I’ve got a friend who I refuse to eat with because she ALWAYS says “can I try that?” Finally one day I said “fuck no, you know I think that’s a really nasty habit that you have and it needs to stop”. So she stopped-atleast with me. Now she’s on some “I know you don’t wanna share but can I atleast smell it”? Arrg the saga never ends lol.

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